Stupid Warnings

Warnings:

On a cardboard windshield sun shade: "Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place"
On an infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water.
On a package of Fisherman's Friend^Ž throat lozenges: Not meant as a substitute for human companionship.
On a Magic 8 Ball: Not advised for use as a home pregnancy test.
On a roll of Life Savers: Not for use as a flotation device.
On a cup of McDonald's coffee: Allow to cool before applying to groin area.
On a refrigerator: Refrigerate after opening.
On a disposable razor: Do not use this product during an earthquake.
On a handgun: Not recommended for use as a nutcracker.
On pantyhose: Not to be used in the commission of a felony.
On a piano: Harmful or fatal if swallowed.
On a can of Fix-a-Flat: Not to be used for breast augmentation.
On a Pentium chip: If this product exhibits errors, the manufacturer will replace it for a $2-shipping and a $3-handling charge, for a total of $4.97.
On work gloves: For best results, do not leave at crime scene.
On a palm sander: Not to be used to sand palms.
On a calendar: Use of term "Sunday" for reference only. No meteorological warranties express or implied.
On Odor Eaters: Do not eat.
On a blender: Not for use as an aquarium.
On a microscope: Objects are smaller and less alarming than they appear.
On children's alphabet blocks: Letters may be used to construct words, phrases and sentences that may be deemed offensive.
On a container of salt: Warning: High in sodium.
On a hose nozzle: Do not spray into electrical outlet.
On a Chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop blade with hands.
On a hair dryer: Do not use while sleeping.
On a stroller: Remove child before folding.
On a candy bar advertising a contest: No purchase necessary - Details Inside.
On a bottle of child's cough medicine: Caution: May cause drowsiness; do not drive or operate heavy machinery.

Signs:

At a Fast Food Restaurant Drive-Thru: All you can eat buffet: $2.99.
At the end of a car ad depicting cars driving in the water with fins like sharks: Caution, do not drive underwater.
On an industrial size washer: Warning: Do not put any person in this washer.
On a Bradford, PA, road sign: Speed Electrically Enforced.
On a sign on someone's fence: Here's my ool, notice there's no P in it. I'd like to keep it that way.
On the entrance door to an office building: CAUTION: Automatic Door; Push to Operate.
Street Sign by a funeral home in New Jersey: Dead End.
In a cemetery in MA: Thrift Sale Today. Near it there was another sign that read: Free Medical Care
Seen in a small town somewhere: FOR SALE: BUY OWNER.
On a gate at a residence for disabled adults called "Opengate": Gate Must Remain Closed At All Times.
On a sign in a clothing store: Kids CHEAP!
On a sign in Minnesota: STRIP-N-SHOP (It's a furniture refinishing business).
Banner in front of a roadside cafe: KIDS WITH GAS EAT FREE!
Amigone Funeral Home
Used Cows for Sale

Instructions:

On a can of spray cheese: For best results, remove lid.